We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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