Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
