JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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