my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
