he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
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We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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