yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
