Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
