My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
FUCK WHALES
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
