He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
