I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
