its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
