I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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