I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
