My friends, they love my intelligence
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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