I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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