Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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