I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
