I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
