Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
