I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize