i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize