i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
