i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
