just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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