You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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