Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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