erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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