just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
