I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
