We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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