Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
