i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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