Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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