"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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