My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
