I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
