Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
