i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
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like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
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The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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