I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I would ride that face into the sunset
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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