weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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