this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
