She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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