I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
