Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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