what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just pee around me
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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