who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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