I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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