He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
