You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
