at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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