I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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