I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
