He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
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and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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