Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
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She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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