if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize