do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
