I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Shame is for Republicans.
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