i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
