u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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