im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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