in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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