I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The uberlube is also flammable
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
