She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
