carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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