Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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