Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
