Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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