I just cut my nipple shaving
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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